So God Made a Banker

This is great! Humorous, yet ironically true. FYI… this is also a test post using my Android tablet. Using a computer is much easier, for sure. But it is do-able with a tablet. I wish there were arrows available to use to move the cursor around. Sure it is easy to tap and place the cursor, but often hard to place it precisely. Especially if my tap ends up being just one letter off. Anyway, I got a good chuckle out of this.

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“To be read in the voice of Paul Harvey.

“And on the eighth day God looked down on his planned paradise and said, ‘I need someone who can flip this for a quick buck.’

“So God made a banker.

“God said, ‘I need someone who doesn’t grow anything or make anything but who will borrow money from the public at 0% interest and then lend it back to the public at 2% or 5% or 10% and pay himself a bonus for doing so.’

“So God made a banker.

“God said, ‘I need someone who will take money from the people who work and save, and use that money to create a dotcom bubble and a housing bubble and a stock bubble and an oil bubble and a commodities bubble and a bond bubble and another stock bubble, and then sell it to people in Poughkeepsie and Spokane and Bakersfield, and pay himself another bonus.’

“So God made a banker.

“God said, ‘I need someone to build homes in the swamps and deserts using shoddy materials and other people’s money, and then use these homes as collateral for a Ponzi scheme he can sell to pensioners in California and Michigan and Sweden. I need someone who will then foreclose on those homes, kick out the occupants, and switch off the air conditioning and the plumbing, and watch the houses turn back into dirt. And then pay himself another bonus.’

“God said, ‘I need someone to lend money to people with bad credit at 30% interest in order to get his stock price up, and then, just before the loans turn bad, cash out his stock and walk away. And who, when asked later, will, with a tearful eye, say the government made him do it.’

“God said, ‘And I need somebody who will tell everyone else to stand on their own two feet, but who will then run to the government for a bailout as soon as he gets into trouble — and who will then use that bailout money to help elect a Congress that will look the other way. And then pay himself another bonus.’

“So God made a banker. ” ;)

Written by Brett Arends for MarketWatch. This is copied verbatim strictly for the purpose of sharing political humor. Please visit his post here.

Brett Arends is a MarketWatch columnist. Follow him on Twitter @BrettArends

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2 replies »

  1. I didn’t think I’d live long enough to see bankers fall to the same level of public respect as used car salesmen. Of course, they were only able to do it because the government deregulated them, which puts the government even lower than used car salesmen.

    • lol… that’s an excellent comparison.

      And they want even less regulations….. I think they just want everyone to hand over the money for no reason. Just give it to them.

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