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Death by Kleenex

Last night, I’m lying in bed, watching the Joplin MO tornado footage on the news, when in the light cast from the TV, crawling up my wall, is this enormous “thing.”

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Now, I am not one prone to be easily frightened. In fact, my ex-husband was the tough-guy persona on the outside, but at even a whisper of an insect, spider, or snake, he would have been the first one up on a chair squealing like a baby. So, by default, I was always the insect-eradicator in our household.

Although I may not have much fear of creepy crawly critters, this does not necessarily mean I wish to share my bedroom with them (I know what you’re thinking – don’t go there). Autopilot ON… grab tissue box (closest item within reach)… here’s the windup, and there’s the pitch… a line drive up the middle with a LEFT-handed throw (which being right-handed is rather amazing)… and off the wall this three-inch creature from a B-rated horror movie plummets.

I poke my head over the foot of the bed, and there it lies. Still. Dead. I MUST have a picture of this monster. Ever so carefully, I pick it up with a tissue from it’s own death-mobile, very meticulously laying it out for it’s post-mortem portraits. Took three shots and decided I wanted some close-ups of those terrifying jaws it so proudly boasts. I am in the process of repositioning it in the light when it unexpectedly twitches.

*&$@!#%@*!!

I immediately jump back to protect myself from this horrific alien attack, but not realizing my two large dogs had crept up behind me, I trip over them. Pinwheeling arms in an attempt to stop the fall, hanging for a moment in mid-air like a scene out of Matrix, when gravity takes over and off to the ground I go. Flat on my ass. My head hits my chest-of-drawers, rocking it, and like a domino-effect, down upon my noggin’ comes my carefully folded piles of freshly laundered clothes, amongst a plethora of other not-so-soft items.

I spring up, madder than a hornet. How dare that alien creature bring ME to the ground. So I grab that damn tissue box – to hell with the pictures – and like Thor’s hammer I bring it down and officially return that demon back to the bowels of hell in whence it came.

Death by Kleenex

(post note: This is what is known as a Wind Scorpian – google it if you want more info)

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