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A Dog’s Diary versus a Cat’s Diary

This is absolutely hilarious! I am sure any cat and dog owner can attest that these would be some very typical diary entries if they were able to do so.

Woof! Woof! Meow! (That is dog and cat talk for “Enjoy”)

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Dog’s Diary: Saturday

8:00 AM – Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 AM – A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 AM – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 AM – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 PM – Milk bones! My favorite thing!

1:00 PM – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 PM – A nap! My favorite thing!

5:00 PM – Dinner! My favorite thing!

7:00 PM – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 PM – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 PM – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

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Cat’s Diary: Date unsure. Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed harsh or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since this clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe… for now.

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19 Comments »

  1. Michelle, this is so true…the sweet doofus dog and the sly calculating aloof cat. i once saw this 5 panel cartoon – panel 1. from behind him/her we see a cat sitting facing the corner of a room. panel 2. still from behind them we see a dog now sits next to the cat…both staring straight ahead. panel 3. the cat still stares straight ahead, the dog has his head tilted to the left. panel 4. the cat still stares straight ahead, the dog now tilts his head to the right. panel 5. the cat still stares straight ahead, the dog is looking at the cat. made me grin so big. as did this post. thanks. continue…

  2. Feeling a little better about my eyes right now. Saw the eye doctor today and he says my problem is severe dry eye which is causing chronic infections, and that I’ve got a serious infection right now. So he’s treating it with an eye lubricant, and an anti-biotic ointment and also anti-biotic pills. I’m also supposed to massage my eye lids when I take a shower to help break up stuff that’s blocking the moisture from lubricating my eyes. The doctor said that the infection is hard to eliminate and it will take about 4 weeks. So I see him again in early May for a full eye exam – He said that until the infection clears up, he can’t tell the true condition of my eyes, or accurately prescribe lenses for glasses for me, which I’ll most likely need.

    I know you didn’t ask – I just felt like telling you, since I was pissing and moaning about it yesterday.

    • LOL… good. I’m glad that you know what it is and able to treat it. Dry eyes suck, but just keep the drop going. Ask the doc about tear duct plugs. I used them after LASIK. Plugs the drainage ducts and helps keep the tears in your eyes. I think I’m going to request them when I go back to the eye doc on the 13th.

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