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10 Reasons to Ban Gay Marriage

Here are the TOP TEN reasons to ban gay marriage (I hear David Letterman’s voice in my head when I read that… don’t you?). Number one….

1. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed. (NOTE: this is my favorite one)

6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.

7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children. (NOTE: my second-favorite)

8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.

9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to the new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

I so love sarcasm at the right time. And this is one of them. I just cannot understand peoples’ ignorance when it comes to gay marriage and gay rights. Especially when someones “alternate” lifestyle in no way affects anyone else, unless they’re such haters that they torment themselves by hiding in the bushes and watching a same-sex couple through their windows….

Now, let’s end this list of reasons to ban gay marriages with some awesome signs created by gay marriage supporters at various protests.


  1. Way to many off-the-hook-incredible things to pick a favorite Michelle. But if I had to pick one, I’d have to go with the “We want to be miserable too” sign. After all, isn’t that why “Gawd” invented marriage?!?! πŸ˜†

  2. I got gay-married in 2008 when it was legal for a minute in pre-Prop 8 California. I am now gay-divorced and got to find out what it’s like to fork over a sizable chunk o’ change to someone who decided to mow the greener grass in someone else’s yard. I’m also going with miserable.

    • Sorry to hear that. Yup, marriage is not all it’s cracked up to be… for some. I do know several people who have been happy their entire marriage – both gay and straight. BTW… LOVE your name “Urethra Franklin.” Gave me a big laugh and grin!! πŸ˜€

    • Urethra Franklin, huh? I just came up with that joke myself recently, but as soon as I thought of it, I just knew that someone else had already done it, and here you are! Lol

  3. The Top Ten reasons were fun, but some of those signs had me laughing out loud! πŸ˜€ Just goes to show that while outrage at intolerant people is justified, ridiculing their ridiculous ways of thinking and laughing at them can be a lot more fun.

      • Just for a minute or so, I was wishing that I could talk to that cute little blonde with the “I still get more…” sign, and talk her into becoming a switch hitter. Does this make me a bad person? Lol

        • No. You know how often I tell myself “bummer” when I see a nice lookin’ gay guy? And the “bummer” is not that he’s gay – it’s because I have no chance. Hell, not that I’d try anyway. I’m pretty much just appreciating the beauty these days from a distance.

        • Yeah, now as I think of it, I’ve heard more than a few women regret seeing the hot and handsome guy, when they know they can’t catch his eye, because he only has eyes for other guys. (and that’s enough of the silly rhyming from me!)

          And I’m also just appreciating the beauty from a distance, or otherwise I’ll get in BIG trouble that’s not worth it! But I still entertain the occasional day dream… πŸ™‚

        • Whenever I’ve been in a relationship, I never had a problem with my guy looking at other chicks. Just no touching. The way I figured it was that the day he STOPPED looking at women was the day I needed to start worrying.

        • My wife feels almost the same way as far as her being okay with some moderate visual admiration, but definitely NO touching, and of course I’d feel the same way with regard to her and other guys.

          In the earlier years of our marriage, there were times that I upset her by flirting with other women at parties and other social events, because with my love of humorous flirting, sometimes I’d get a little carried away with it, as I tried to top each flirtatious remark with an even more risque and funnier comment.

          I used to feel that this was just a misunderstanding between us, because for me, the flirting was all about humorous improv and quick comebacks, and not about trying to be sexually provocative.

          But her issue was that it would reach a point where she was getting very embarrassed by it, since she thought that to other people watching, it looked like I was chatting up other women while she was there in the same room as I was doing it.

          She also felt that even if the flirting was for the sake of humor in my mind, and without any serious intent, that I still might be sending out the wrong signals to the women I was flirting with, and they might get the wrong idea about my intentions.

          So after some heated arguments, followed by more calm and reasonable discussions, I began to see her point of view, and I also realized that I shouldn’t be doing anything that was really upsetting her, whatever it was, and most of all not in public.

          So I promised her I’d stop it, and I kept my promise because I really didn’t want to hurt her by being insensitive to her feelings. In hindsight, I now realize that I was being an insensitive dickhead back then for the sake of my own selfish enjoyment, and I sincerely regret it.

          The good news is that now years later it’s all behind us, and never a problem for us anymore.

          Hmm… somehow I think that I managed to confuse you with my therapist, Michelle. So you can expect a $200 check in the mail soon. Lol πŸ™‚

    • Not a problem. And I purposely chose that title for a couple reasons… For one, a bit of a mind-play fun for my fellow bloggers who have become more like family than readers. They all know me pretty well and know I would NEVER support banning gay anything.

      But also in hopes that it would draw some people who are serious about banning gay marriage. Once they start reading the first few, I doubt they would continue. But I’d LOVE for them to realize how idiotic, ignorant, hateful, and just plain stupid they are.

  4. I got scared for a second ik it’s been 8 years since this was posted I want to know how you guys are doing I don’t have much time to live cause of coronavirus but please tell me how your are doing the doctor said I have a week left…

    • What do you mean you don’t have much time to live b/c of COVID and the doc gave you a week? From COVID? They can usually predict cancer and other similar “time left” timelines, but COVID can be beat. Do it!

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