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How to Wash a Cat

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. At this point the cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet – the cat is actually enjoying this!

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a “power-wash” and “rinse.”

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand well back, behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Yours sincerely,
The Dogbest-pictures-of-wet-cats1


  1. Yeah! I’ll drop the writer in a toilet, close the lid, flush it several times and then let him or her run outside to dry. See how much he or she enjoys it!

    What stupidity!

    There are chemicals used in cleaning your toilet (I trust the writer may actually do that, but have my doubts) that remain in the bowl long after you flush. They can and will harm your terrrifed cat.

    I’m amazed that the cat doesn’t continue on its ‘freedom’ run once released out the door. By the way, leaving a cat to fend for itself outdoors, especially in the southwest is an invitation for a feast by Coyotes, let alone the dangers caused by other preditors and that of traffic.

    The cruel author should not be permitted to have animals at his/her home. Not in the least bit funny!

    • I completely agree. I work with canine rescue and help train and adopt out dozens of dogs a year. You think I would let someone do this to a cat? This is all in fun because the dog wrote these instructions. There are both dogs and cats living happily in my house. Although my two dogs know better than to chase the cat, every once in a while their instinct takes over – or they feel like they want to make sure the cats know they’re alpha, I don’t know. But it’s a humorous friendship and which there is not fighting. My dogs would never hurt either cat, but that doesn’t mean they don’t try to have fun with them.

  2. The cat will not, in fact, dry himself off outside. He will roll in the dirt and mud trying to scratch himself. You are better off keeping the bathroom door closed and towel dry him (or her) a little bit in the bathroom. Then he will lick himself the rest of the way clean/dry. Now you can let him out of the bathroom.

  3. What a jerk! The only way Mike could ever be a chairman is to self-title like he did.

    Cleaning Chemicals left in the toilet are normally mild acids. Assuming the toilet has been flushed before adding the cat, no problem. These acids and surfactants and perfume are easily rinsed. So when you open the toilet to check and the water is clear – wash the cat. If the water is blue or pink you would flush it then add the cat after the bowl refills. If there is brown stuff floating in the water when you open the lid. Call the cat, jump in the toilet yourself. Now you are truly full of shit!

  4. I think it’s hilarious that anyone would think of these as actual instructions on washing a cat. I guess that just adds to the millions of reasons my word of the year is moron.

  5. I can’t believe that anyone would take this seriously. I use this story to teach point of view to my kiddos at school. I ususally follow it up with “How to tell the Weather” written by “The Cat.” We have a good laugh and make up other stories written by ridiculous animals.


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