10 Reasons to Vote for Donald Trump
1. More US jobs.
This no. 1 fact is actually a two-step process with the second step employing hundreds of thousands more than the first step — the US-Mexico border/relationship.
To build this enormous wall nearly 2,000 miles along the border of the US and Mexico, it will take tens of thousands of workers, electricians (after all, it will be electrified), engineers and security. Imagine this impenetrable fortress as the modern version of the Wall from Game of Thrones. The Wall will be made of skyscraper-grade steel, razor wire, massive concrete foundations which will be dug and poured a minimum of 20 feet down, and, lastly entirely electrified with such a high voltage that even insects up to 10 feet away will be zapped.
Once the Wall is fully functional, it will take a large staff to manage it. The full job potential, however, will now present itself as the US will need to increase their military strength due to the pending war between the US and Mexico. At this point, chances are excellent that this will start WWIII.
Imagine all the jobs the US will need at this point.
2. National Debt. Start over.
As most people know, Donald Trump is highly experienced with filing bankruptcy. As he has benefited several times from filing BK, each time starting over only to become billions of dollars rich, President Trump will bankruptcy out the US debt from China, as well as any and all foreign debts plus the debt to the Federal Reserve. Sometimes it is best to just… start… over. Vote for Trump so the US can start over.
3. White House decor.
In support of the equality of the sexes, Donald Trump has an agreement with ex-wife Ivanka Trump come in and entirely redecorate the White House. Additionally, Ivanka will tour the country speaking on how women can screw their husband in a divorce and walk away with millions. These items will surely win the women’s votes.
4. Bring on Global Warming.
Donald Trump firmly believes that global warming is a hoax. Recently, he stated, "It’s freezing and snowing in New York. We need global warming!" As this past winter is considered to have been one of the hardest winters in decades with insane amounts of snow, it just proves that there is no global warming. In fact, Trump believes we need global warming in order to keep these horrible winters from ever occurring again. In order to do so, Trump will revoke the EPA and let any industry do what they need to do in order to gain more profit. Any business that adds to the global warming affect will receive both tax breaks and government subsidies. A vote for Trump is a vote to stop winter!
5. Bring Reality TV to the White House.
Everyone wants to know what goes on behind the closed doors in the White House. President Trump will make sure this happens by introducing a new reality series called, "The Real White House" as well as "The Apprentice Goes to the White House."
6. Prove Obama is from Kenya.
Once Trump has full access to the White House and all the little secrets hidden within, he will come forth with the ultimate proof that Obama is a Muslim from Kenya. Once proven, President Trump will have all records of Obama stricken from the White House in addition to sending Obama back to Kenya.
7. Continue Trump’s great relationship with blacks.
As Trump has stated clearly, he has great relationships with blacks. In order to support the black community, Trump will make sure all White House janitors, gardeners, housekeeping, and any other service-oriented position in the White House hires at blacks to fill at least 50% of these service positions.
8. Save both the poor and middle class.
Trump considers himself a savior of the poor. Trump understands that the growing numbers of poor and drop in average household income is due to a multitude of jobs going overseas, President Trump will provide a tax break to any US citizen who relocates to another country to work for a US-owned company. This tax break will be the equal to the cost of the ticket to move overseas.
This plan will both provide jobs for the lower and middle class as well as reduce their numbers within the US.
9. Put a hold on any immigration.
Everyone knows that the US is full and cannot hold any new immigrants. Trump will cease allowing anyone to immigrate to the US whether for work or for education. Tourists will be allowed but only for a maximum time of 30 days. Anyone trying to stay longer will be immediately deported and billed for the cost incurred to deport them.
10. Develop the land being wasted in our National Parks.
There are millions of acres of prime real estate being wasted in our National Parks. Very simply, all National Parks will be sold to the highest bidder and develop as the buyer sees fit. The larger the profit the buyer makes from said development will earn a larger tax break.
The Atlantic: What Exactly Is Donald Trump’s Deal?
Rolling Stone: 8 of the Sleaziest Things Donald Trump Has Said
The Daily Beast: The Dumbest Stuff Donald Trump Has Ever Said
NPR: 5 Things You Should Know About Donald Trump
All suggestions and references are purely fictional and satirical. Any coincidence is Trump’s fault for being an idiot.