After Wisconsin’s Governor Scott Walker embarrassingly and shamefully announced his withdrawal from the GOP Presidential Race, he later came forth to proclaim that his next move is to unionize the Republican party.
Unionize the GOP? But, isn’t the governor against unions? When asked, Walker explained why this union is an exception to his notorious, union-busting agenda.
“You see, it’s all about control. The unions I target here in Wisconsin all claim to be there to ensure that employees are treated fairly by their employers. However, these unions only manage to severely hurt every company’s bottom line dollar. It’s simple economics – work people more, pay them less and profits will soar. The common people should not be allowed any measure of control or decision-making at any time. The GOP Unionization is more than just that.”
“This GOP Union will only include those who are in control within the Republican party. To ensure that no one with their own agenda is able to intrude and upset the delicately balanced, harmonious contempt that we all share for Democrats as well as those who only want to muddy the waters. To be clear, only those Republicans who hold or have held elected positions within the GOP will be allowed in the union — not your typical voter or Fox News watcher — and anyone wanting to join the union must be voted in. This union will require membership from Republicans in congress and state governors as we all have the same agenda – control.”
“Ultimately, the primary reason for unionizing is the procedure for running for president under the GOP ticket will be revised — only those who are voted and approved by GOP Union members will be allowed that ever-coveted position of running for President. No one based on a whim, fat wallets or what-have-you, will be able to run for President as a Republican.”
Before Walker could even draw his next breath, the reporters were screaming questions at him, and they all appeared to be asking the same question… does this has anything to do with Donald Trump’s take-over of the polls and the GOP ticket? The governor was done, though, and left the podium.
One reporter claims to have overheard Walker mumbling to himself as he was walking to the exit, “Damn, fucking Trump. I’ll show that orange-faced baboon he cannot come in here and take over like that. Never again will that pampered crybaby be allowed to….” and the rest was indistinguishable. Another reporter who was near Walker at that time says he heard the governor mumble under his breath something that sounded like, “Fuck you, Trump. I’ll show you!“
Note: To be clear, this is satire. I know some people have a hard time distinguishing between satire and reality, so thought I’d help you out a bit.